After the intro, which consists of several pictures of Dave from Finance - now known to be the deadly Ten of Masks - in various angry, brooding poses, the picture flickers to reveal a courtroom prepared for the Trial. In this edition of JoTV, commentary is being provided solely by Twist: our new correspondent. Also judge.

“With the day of the trial finally rolling around, the whole of Spindle is buzzing with anticipation – mostly down to the interminable efforts of Twist (*ahem*) to promote the thing to absolutely anyone who will listen. Will Ten of Masks get his comeuppance? Will the problems of Spindle be sorted once and for all? Will the positions of judge and sports commentator be forever the same thing in the eyes of Muses? Only by watching will these crucial questions be answered. Apparently.

“Through what appear to have been intense pre-trial arrangements that happened in such a blur that no-one really understood what was going on, Twist appears to be both judge and defence (given absolutely no-one else was willing to put themselves forward for the position), while Joseph Caesar has taken up the case for the prosecution. The only thing that everyone can agree on is that it’s a good thing that the Trickster hasn’t been allowed to take control of the trial. Hey, has anyone seen them anyway? Oh, there they are! A masked figure of dejection, a jester’s hat of sorrow – all alone on the bench, safely out of the way. Watching. Waiting. Surely, as tamed as any Concept could be.

“Joseph Caesar solemnly approaches the prosecution desk, deferring slightly – almost imperceptibly – to, uh, myself, with my absolutely beautiful floor length wig. Twist, of course, is sitting behind the bench. Joseph takes a seat without a word, and waits patiently for the trial to begin as the waiting witnesses – and Witnesses – clamour behind, as though the more they murmur the more likely things are to get going. I can promise you folks – no they aren’t!

“Ten of Masks is led in by Bet Wimpole, who appears to have taken the role of court security – a very fair and important role, and not one to be underestimated! She’s added a little flair to the proceedings, lumping Dave with iron manacles and a large ball and chain to drag behind him: nothing like a little Victorian severity to really emphasise fairness.

“Now, Twist of course has to make an appearance as the defence, so as Dave reaches the stand Twist gets down – making sure to *urk* not get tangled in the wig – and head to the defence stand! Giving an absolutely magnificent, rolled bow, they have successfully endeared themselves to the judge – Twist. It’s always a good thing when your counsel knows whose court they’re dealing with!

“Making their way back up to the bench, it looks like things are really about to get going – though not until the congregation pipe down, that is. Good. Yes. Let’s get going. Since we’re running low on time, we’re going to compress everything down into a single hearing – can’t be doing with this whole three-stage procedures, proper methods of justice, judicial control, giving enough time to matters, judicial oversight and all that malarkey. No court has any time for that, and not least this one because some of us have actually important things to be getting on with.

“Oh, shut up! It was a joke! You think I’d actually admit if we were corrupt? Well, probably. But we’re not. So I guess that means this whole thing is more trustworthy, right? Logic.

“Right, right, lemme lay it out for you. Tactics and that, before things get going. Step one we’ve got to have a plea, guilty or not guilty, and for you folks at home you definitely want a not guilty plea am I right? Cause if you do then you in for that sweet, sweet trial with all the ‘objections’ and ‘overruleds’, and nothing beats the adrenaline rush of the jury files in and gives the guilty verdict *ahem*, sorry, the verdict when it’s right down to the line. Heartstopping stuff!

“But while we’re all hoping for that, what we definitely can promise you today folks is that if we get a guilty plea then we’ll proceed straight to sentencing – same as if the criminal, I mean defendant is found guilty by the jury. The we get to see the fantastic display of punishments, torture devices and other favourites right here, right now. The cases are real, the people are real and the injuries are permanent, folks! Obviously if it’s not guilty by the jury then we let them go, but no-one here’s for that boring, middle-of-the-league snorefest.

“So yeah, Dave, or should I say Ten, guilty or not guilty?”

A number of rather haggard Muses in robes stand in a row, filling the picture. In the background, a large, floating pyramid dominates the skyline; though if you look carefully, you can spot a rather large hole in one side in the process of being hastily repaired. One of the Muses notices this, and with an awkward expression moves hastily to cover it from view. Each of them speaks in turn.

“Are you at one with Jo?”

“Is Jo at one with you?”

“Would you like to be more at one with Jo?”

“Well, we at Joology can offer you a solution! Join us today, and we’ll offer you three, yes three free Trope Cards of your choice.”

“And that’s not all.”

“No!”

“Not all!”

“We can offer you more Trope Cards the more converts you recruit!”

“Just entice them with offers of your own!”

“It’s win-win!”

“Be at one with Jo, with us.”

All of the Muses give a hasty, somewhat forced grin – cheesy music begins to play, while lighting flashes behind the pyramid.

The scene cuts back in to the Trial. A deep voice recaps what happened last time, ending with “What will he plead? Find out on JoTV!”

“And before he’s had a chance to answer, Twist has rushed down and back to the defence stand to speak on their client’s behalf. Dave looks on at this incredible display of skill and ruins it by answering guilty – that’s GUILTY FOLKS. We’ve got a winner folks! But it always feels like cheating when they own up. Takes all the skill out of it! But a win’s a win at the end of the day!

“No matter, viewers, we’ve got an absolute treat of witnesses still lined up for you all. After all, now we’ve gotta decide the sentence, and that means aggravation (yay!) and mitigation (boo!), and if we can’t use it as evidence we sure as anything will use it to show you deserve as much punishment as we can possibly dish out. Can I hear it folks? I SAID, CAN I HEAR IT!? That’s better! Crowd participation and all that.

“So, first up we have Porphyrius Noise! Now poor Firi couldn’t be with us today cause she’s got some prior commitments that I promise you have nothing to do with everyone out to get her at the trial today – we’re gonna take her evidence as a given, right? No discrimination here - if someone’s said it, it’s definitely true no matter what other things they might have done. BUT, she’s given us this whole statement we can go over!”

*Ahem* “Gimme a second. Got to give this the gravitas it deserves, you know?”

“Sorry I can't be here to say this out loud. You know why. Besides, I don't want to yell and make a scene. Which is uncharacteristic. But still.”

“Pffft, makes no difference to me!”

“I bet most of you don't think this trial is fair, or even worth having. This is entirely legit. A large part of me agrees. Another part of me doesn't. Because, whether this is all going to be a sham or not, this is your time to yell, and scream, and shout about all the injustice that's been done to you for the sake of the momentary rush of power. They will try and convince you that you asked for this: that you bayed and snarled for blood until they tore your best friends apart in front of you limb from limb. They will tell you that you needed to be moulded, shaped and then pointed like a weapon at the leaders of the Academy. Because you were afraid. Were you afraid? Are you afraid now?”

“Are you afraid folks!? Did you ask for this!? Absolutely damning, Dave – absolutely damning. I’m just shaking my head over here.”

“Ten of Masks has done a noble thing, if he is being sincere, by standing in front of you today. If he is not, he is the worst kind of coward: one who lies. And just in case he lies to you any more today, let me tell you what I heard from him and Morgana before anyone even knew his name. Fall Ever Faster died not because she was an informant, or she was dangerous, or because of an accident. She died because she was in the way. She was always sympathetic to the Free Idea Forum, even while she made friends with individual Inquisitives, and I know this because she arranged secret conversations and correspondence with my sister and I. I have the letters should anyone want to read them. Ten of Masks is a war criminal, no matter how nice he is about it, and he needs to be sentenced accordingly. But I believe he will go willingly, if he is sentenced.”

“Abso-fucking-lute shocker folks. Died because she was in the way! Keep it down! KEEP IT DOWN I SAID! Or I won’t read any more. Okay? Good.”

“If he dies in the coming weeks, it will not be over. Watch carefully for the Muses who have dealt with C-”

“Yada yada yada, not important! Okay here we go!”

“Morgana spoke to me in vague terms about a purge of unsympathetic Muses. Some of you think she is aligned with-”

“Blah blah blah. Get to the point…”

“Whether or not this is true, she is seeking to move in on the power vacuum this trial creates. Do not let your guard down. Bolt your windows and your doors tonight. The Wheel are not finished.”

“You got it folks! Morgana’s going to purge you, apparently. Oh wait. Nope! Take that back! Not til after she’s given her testimony! Yes I CAN TAKE BACKSIES! Not until after she has spoken, okay!?”

“This trial may have been designed as a showpiece, but it does not have to be theirs. If you are angry. If you are grief-stricken. If you are hurt, betrayed or sorrowful, self-loathing or furious… Howl it to all of Spindle. Ruin and rage are art in themselves. Make some fucking noise.”

“MAKE SOME FUCKING NOISE FOLKS! YOU HEARD! MAKE SOME FUCKING NOISE! This is some really damning stuff right there – she doesn’t half go on a bit sometimes, but she’s got a point. You’d better be quivering in your boots right there Dave.

“And Twist runs back over to the defence and solemnly bows their head in response to what is clearly conclusive evidence Dave is worthy of the harshest punishment. Defence rests – well, what’s changed? They’ve clearly been half-asleep if they’ve allowed this to get to sentencing!

“No matter, no matter, back up to the bench and on to the next witness! Oh, it’s Morgana! What a coincidence! Rocking that robed look, who isn’t in awe at the sight of the fierce revolutionary taking over all of Spindle for… uh, for our own good, apparently. Isn’t that right Morgana? Yeah… sorry about that stuff before – I just got a bit carried away! Well, I’m sure we’ll all be persuaded about all the great things you have to say about Dave, here. Watcha, Dave. Doing alright? Going well for you! Here’s a thumbs up from me!

“Okay, okay, so she’s going into quite a lot of detail here, so we’re going to have to unpick things bit by bit. I think her key points are that Ten murdering Fall was not discussed by any other members of the FIF, Dave has a habit of making decisions without talking about the first. Yeah, I see that. Okay, onwards: Darkest Light is basically chatting rubbish – I have no idea, cause I never read it, so I’m gonna trust that, something about the Revolutionary I have no idea what that even is.

“Calm down, CALM DOWN, I’m not interrupting her – I’m giving a summary! Let me finish!

“Yeah, yeah, you’re sorry about those deaths Morgana – we get it. Lucky you’re not on trial too, I guess. Apparently Cyrus is bad too cause he held you with suspicion unjustly. Okay, okay, I’m calling bullshit on that one – you can’t confess to committing violence and being part of a murderous group and then say the police were unfair for being suspicious. I might pass an eye over things here and there, lady, but even I can see right through you there. No, not literally. Please stop doing that, Twist. Oh wait!

“Twist apparently jumping down for some hilarious banter with the witness there. Gotta hand it to them, they really know how to get a reaction out of people!

“I dunno, I’m kinda convinced but I’ve got to admit that seems a bit like you’re just throwing Dave under the bus here, and you’re throwing some pretty heavy shade at the AoT. They’ve got enough sunglasses already without you, am I right?! I mean, you can’t just say Patricia’s death was an unfortunate part of the movement cause someone who wasn’t Dave did it. Shouldn’t they be on trial too? Ah, whatever. And all this stuff about the Revolutionary? I’m not interested! Not. At. All! Stop talking. I said stop talking! NEXT! Bet! Take her out!”

A jingling tune plays, cutting in and out, as though the beginning of the commercial has been interrupted somehow. It fades to static, before there’s a loud *cccrrrrk*. A figure wearing a sunglasses and a jester’s hat appears onscreen. It's off, somehow. Not quite right. You’re sure you’ve seen them before, but not quite like this. When they speak, their voice is low, distorted, inhuman.

“We interrupt this regular advertisement in order to bring you an important announcement. I am the Trickster. I am chaos. I am destruction. I am paranoia. I am the end. I am the end of order, peace and stability. I am a god. Worship before me.”

There is a slight giggling offscreen, and the masked figure’s shoulders hunch, clearly focused off-camera. They cover the screen with their hand, a their voice becomes quiet and even more distorted, though still audible.

“We’re live! Come on! Not now!”

An even quieter voice cuts in, undistorted. It sounds angry; authoritative.

“Too far. This has gone too far. You can’t interrupt a live broadcast. I leave you for two days and I come back to-”

The hand is taken off the camera, to reveal the figure looking even more unkempt and a little shaken.

“You have been warned.”

The broadcast cuts to static.

The Trial scene fades back in. Once again, the deep voice gives a summary. “Will Morgana resist?”

“And that’s Bet Wimpole there escorting one angry-looking Muse out of the court, but as everyone knows – there’s only room for one scene queen in this court and that’s Jo. Get it? Scenes? Ah, forget it.

“Okay, so next up we’ve got Cyrus! That very suspicious fellow who’s deeply, deeply sorry he spent all those years oppressing you – but the revolution’s not the answer either, folks! No, no – why would I let everyone hear him? It’s easier for everyone if I just shout over with my own interpretation – I mean summary – right? We’re all in agreement, yeah? Well, I can only hear my voice and that’s a big HELL YES! So that’s how we’re gonna do it!

“Okay, okay, so this one’s uh… I dunno, it seems pretty irrelevant as far as I’m concerned. I get it, I get it, the Big Bad is really bad and is oppressing Spindle and all that – what’s new? We’ve known about that for ages! Oh, you’re sorry about that!? Well it’s too fucking late for sorry!

“Wait, what? You’re going to… you’re going to oppress yourself to reduce the evil in Spindle, making things better? That makes no sense at all! If you’re evil, then why would you oppress yourself? If you’re not evil, then why would oppressing yourself make any difference!? That’s a right doozey, folks! Ah, whatever – you do you, Cyrus, and we all support you in that. So long as it gets the rest of us what we want after all this shit you’ve caused.

“Okay, OKAY, maybe I’m being a bit harsh. He’s sorry. He’s very, very sorry and I know some of you feel bad for him. Okay. We get it. Now please go have a cry in your own time, as this is my courtroom. I own you. Remember that. I’m giving evil eyes over here. Evil. Eyes.

“Yeah, yeah, get off the stand – I’ll watch you later if you’re interesting enough. Which you probably aren’t. Get AOT. Geddit. AOT. Whatever. Boo to you too.

“Aaaaand at last we get to hear the prosecution! What’ve you got to say Joseph? I’ve gotta say, when someone murdered the love of your life right in front of you, did it make you see red? Did it make you want to seek revenge on the evil Muse who did it? Leaving her to die with no hope of being saved? Just the cruel, hard earth piled on top as she withered away to nothing? Just like her namesake? That makes you angry, huh? Upset? Tired of everything going wrong?

“Do you hate him, Jos? Do you hate him? That feeling you get when someone steals your last ready meal? Or doesn’t change the loo roll? Or murders the only Muse who’s ever caused you to feel a genuine emotional connection and given you a sense of purpose in life? Yeah? You feel that way?

“Oh, come on. Don’t cry. For fuck’s sake. It’s just for the drama, Jos. Oh come ooooon. I’m just trying to ham it up for the viewers! Hey, I care about you! I’m here for you if you ever wanna talk about it! I know it must be pretty lonely for you these days.

“Hey, hey, I’ve got viewers to support okay? The network won’t be happy if you just keep blubbering – it’s not a good look. Oh, whatever. Get him off!

“Wait, what’s that? You… you want him what? I can’t hear you Jos. Speak up. SPEAK UP! LIKE THIS! OPEN YOUR MOUTH! ENUNCIATE! LIKE ME!

“Oh, you want him Censored!? Weak. Honestly, that’s really, really weak. I’m disappointed with you. But, hey, you’ve tied my hands! If that’s what you really want then that’s what I’m gonna have to do, okay! Not banishment? Not torture? You sure? Really? Are you absolutely sure? Yeah? I can do a little torture! Just gonna point out we might have a few issues with that, Jos, and I really do just want to do whatever’s best for you, Jos, kay? You sure sure? Sure sure sure? Not worried about who’s gonna Censor him? You sure sure sure sure? Okay fine. Shall we put it to a vote? Censored or Tortured + Censored? No? Fine. If you really think that’s what’s best for you, but you’re gonna regret it. You’ll see.

“Dave, get over here. Come on, hurry up – that ball can’t be that heavy. Right, fine. Dave, what do you have to say for yourself? Uhuh, uhuh, so you’re saying that you’re definitely guilty, which – okay – we already knew that, you really didn’t have to repeat it. But go on, yeah. And you’re really very sorry about killing Fall – okay, but you still killed her mate – and you think all the rest of your crimes were- sorry, can you repeat that? The rest of your crimes were justified?

“Really? After all this? All the death, destruction, war, famine, plague – wait, sorry, not famine or plague – take that back. But you’re really saying that? Wow. Yep, sure. Okay. If you say so. Bringing us all together. Creating a better Spindle, because apparently we all just love living in those ashes. Mhm, love me some volcanic beaches. Get me a Blue Lagoon, someone!

“Wait, you want to speak? Without interruption? What kind of special privileges do you think you get? Being the defendant? Making a case? Fine.”

Dave steps up, and clears his throat.

“Muses, what I did was heinous, but it was done to end a system that had lain its cold hands around our throats and was trying to crush the creativity from us. I accept that I have done wrong, and should be punished for this. But a far greater threat lays ahead of us: it watches us with hungry eyes that look upon our Dream and only see a world to be twisted and turned into a nightmare. I wish now only to defend Spindle in its darkest hour before everything that we have worked for is crushed under the cosmic might of the Concepts. I will defend this world until my Juice is pouring from me, my body is Fading and my mind is falling away.

“I have always loved this world of ours, and I will see it controlled by no tyrants. Not the Academy, not the Concepts and no one else who may arise. A need world will be created, one where all of our voices can be heard. But let us first be heard giving defiance to these creatures from beyond our own lands. I will not allow them to take a single inch of this Dream and neither should you!

“Welp, if you believe that, folks, I’ll eat my Tropes. Oh wait, I already did! Sounds like a good endorsement to me, Dave! It’s going well!

“Aaaand with that final small detail out of the way we can move onto the actual sentencing. In light of your awful crimes, and the fact I’m feeling a bit sorry for Jos over there. Sorry Jos! Want a tissue? Anyway, yeah – in light of your appalling crimes that have affected, I’m gonna be honest, literally everyone, I sentence you to Censorship.

“Except, wait! Who’da thunk it? We can’t Censor him. I wonder who pointed out this small problem a bit earlier! We haven’t actually got an Academy anymore, and I don’t trust Cyrus as far as I could throw him. Hey, Cy! Come over here! Just for something fun! It won’t hurt! You’ll find out! Urgh, boring. Some people suck.

“I guess we can just do it if we all get together in one place and just wish it really, really hard. But I can’t make you, folks. If I’m honest, I don’t even know why you held this trial, cause there’s no real backing to it. Can’t have judicial authority if you don’t have the hand of the executive to enforce it, or the legislature to dictate its laws! Real dummy error, folks! No Academy, no court, no laws.

“But hey, whatever, you wanted to do this so I was happy to oblige. Glad to be of service, folks. Hey, hey, that’s my wig! Oi, get your hands off me!

Twist is carried off by a baying crowd, though manages to escape just before they’re carried out of the room – making their own swift exit.

The broadcast cuts.